i'll trade you lives...maybe then i'll be happy . [entries|friends|calendar] $7 [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

i know the answers for all of you. [26 Aug 2004|04:28pm] [ mood | cranky ] [ music | china girl - david bowie ] pick one of each... am i... 1. nice/mean: mean 2.smart/stupid:stupid 3.pretty/ugly: ugly 4.giving/selfish: selfish 5.cool/annoying: annoying do you... 1.like me/hate me: hate me 2.know me/not really: know me 3.hang out with me/never: never 4.party/hang out at home: party 5.act like a retard/act like a monkey: act like a retard would you rather... 1.be my friend/enemy: enemy 2.kiss me/hug me: hug me (less loving) 3.go to a concert/a movie premere: concert 4.bath/shower: shower 5.comment on this/eat a cookie: eat a cookie 5 ♥//post comment

[21 Aug 2004|12:05pm] [ mood | angry ] [ music | brick - ben folds 5 ] FUCK YOU!! 2 ♥//post comment

[15 Aug 2004|09:09pm] [ music | ... ] i got a new lj... grab_my_throatx 1 ♥//post comment

amanda!! [12 Aug 2004|10:36pm] [ mood | bouncy ] [ music | obvious - blink 182 ] She'd do anything to sparkle in his eyes she would suffer she would fight and compromise she's been wishin' up the stars that shine so bright for answers to questions that will haunt her tonight She must rinse this all away she can't hold him this way she must rinse this all away she cant love him this way how she'd be soothed how she'd be saved if he could see she needs to be held in his arms to be freed but everything happens for reasons that she will never understand till she knows that the heart of a woman will never be found in the arms of a man she must rinse this all away she can't hold any body this way she must rinse this all away she can't love him and as she runs away she fears she won't be followed what could be worse than leaving something behind and as the depth of oceans slowly become shallow its loneliness she finds if only he was mine she'd do anything to sparkle in his eyes she would suffer she would fight and compromise shes been wishin on the stars that shine so bright for answers to questions that will haunt her tonight she must rinse him she must rinse him she cant rinse him she cant rinse him she can't, she won't, she must rinse him she can't, she wont, she must rinse him she must rinse this all away she cant hold him this way she must rinse this all away she cant love him this way ______________________________________ so, that song basically sums up everything i have ever wanted to say to randall. but i can't. i guessI'm just sick of waiting for stuff that's never going to happen. I know he and I will stay in the same place for as long as we know each other. he will never feel the same way, we will never have anything more than what we already have...and it really hurts me to know that. to know that I can't ever be good enough for him to love me. i guess i will just have to get over that. i went to amanda's house, that was so awesome! here's a re-cap: tuesday - we went to costco and like it was hot guy day there. i burped all crazy loud and like all the people in the food court were looking at me funny, it was great. then we went to ralphs and like did the coinstar thing, we got like 22 dollars and some cents; we bought cookie dough (chocolate chip), a box of twinkies, 2 2 liter bottles of dr. pepper and a huge thing of fun dip...then we went back to her casa and like built this crazy fort that was totally lethal. like stuff that was holding the blankets (it was in her garage) well like the stuff was metal and if it would have fallen on us, we probably would have died or something. we also saw tiff and tara, which was cool...tiff took this picture of me and i look like a fucking cow. it was fucking lame... wednesday - we went to the mall with kurt and kyle and that was lame. me and kurt saw these two extremely gay guys when we were trying to get in the elevator, but since they were getting in too, (and since we were laughing so hard) we took the stairs instead. then, kyle bought amanda a big bag of mini jaw breakers from the sweet factory and like when we were on the second floor, amanda or someone handed them to me, but my hand was all sweaty because i was holding my clutch purse and so i dropped the bag on accident and it spilled on a lot of people on the first floor and like all over the little receptionist lady in the middle in the circle thing and like everyone was giving me dirty looks, so i went into sees candy with debbie and like kurt took off running. so it was just amanda and kle standing there and the security guard was all (to amanda and kyle) you guys need to leave the mall for the rest of the day. but then we couldnt find kurt, so we were looking for that idiot and all of the sudden we he comes around the corner (and we were walking with amanda's mom too btw) and he has both his hands out flipping us off and debbie is just like ' i saw that that....' it was so great. then we get back and i eat food and then we got bored so we went to the park and stuff. kyle and amanda went off to do their own thing so me and kurt walked off. i sat on kurt which was really funny because he was squirming a lot so i couldnt keep balance and i kept falling over. and then i tried to steal his pants (long story) but i didn't succeed. and then i was sitting in the grass but i was still between his legs and like i was resting my chin on my crossed arms, but my arms were resting on his like crotch area and like it was funny because kurt's like if someone came over here and saw us they'd think something totally wrong. and of course, me being the gutter-minded person that i am, i say, no, it'd be greater if your pants were unbuttoned and someone came around the corner, so i unbuttoned his pants and put my arms back down how they had been before when i was resting my chin and sure enough some little mexican man comes around the corner and looks at us funny...i was just sitting there totally craking up. but then kurt started being a little bitch, so i just took off. then like me and amanda went in the bathroom because i had to wash my feet off and she had to tell me something. then i was singing this awesome song that i learned from corina that we used to sing in p.e. all the time. i annoyed kyle very badly, but i thought it was quite awesome because i hate him. then we went back to amanda's house and the boys left. then we went swimming; there was too many people though so we couldn't take our tops off. sadness. i really felt like me and amanda 'bonded' because like i told her stuff i never really told anyone, like some stuff i even kept from randall if you can believe that...insane-ness i was supposed to go to the fair today, but i was too tired to do anything so i took a nap instead. then me and my mom went to el torrito tonight and like i just sat there being bored. then i remembered that i still had a lot of fun dip in my purse... ______________________________________ i fucking love him. <33 peace out. post comment

yeeeeah boi!! [10 Aug 2004|08:27am] [ mood | crazy ] [ music | movies - ashanti ] ok, i have been saying that a lot. my friend felicia, well i've been talking to her on the phone a lot, and (even though sh'es white) she talkes like a negroe. it's awesome! today is going to fun. i woke up at 8 today to get my cleaning done before i go to amanda's house. i've got the sneezies. dammnit. i slept with my window open and my hair was wet, but it's summer!! well, g2g get ready... <333 aubrey p.s. now deven is betting me a quarter that i can't get the flashlight bracelet off....oh is he mistaken!!! (he is) 2 ♥//post comment

head aches are fucking lame [07 Aug 2004|08:47pm] [ mood | crappy ] [ music | it's not just good, it's sonic blast ] oh man, those pain killers were fucking crazy! i think taking 6 was a mistake, but a painless one. my hands and my feet went numb, and i couldn't walk. then my whole body started to burn up and i started shaking violently, then they sort of wore of, so my speech wasn't so slurred anymore. good times good times. i went to deven's today around like 230 ish. i ws playing with his rat smokey, that rat is so awesome! it's like on speed or something. and then like, his room is hotter than hell and we weere both wearing jeans and stuff. so since his bed is against his window and he has a fan over too, we were just laying there trying to cool off. then his crack head mom walks in and is like, i dont like this,  you have a  girl in here on your bed with the door closed...i think you guys should go outside. then she started totally yelling at us like she caught us fucking or something (kind of gross). she took me home at 6,  and i had like the wrost head ache in the world so i took 4 pain killers and went to sleep for a little while. i just woke up so i decided to update my lj. tomorrow i was supposed to hang out with kurt, but my mom pulled that 'you have a bf aubrey, does he know you hang out with other boys...?!' and im like yeah mom he does, and he doesn't care, and even if he did, he can't tell me what to do, he doesn't own me. and she's all, no but we can tell you what to do and we don't like kurt, so you're not going. so tomorrow i get to do nothing and then they will bitch at me and be like 'all you do is sit in the house' and ill be like 'well you don't even let me hang out with my friends' and then i will slam my door and read or sleep. then it will be monday. <33 aubrey 1 ♥//post comment

woohoo [06 Aug 2004|08:19pm] [ mood | bouncy ] [ music | all of this - blink 182 ] dude! i had so much fun today, even though i really didn't even do anything. i woke up, and like i called ash to see if she wanted to hang out, then deven called and asked me if i wanted to hang out with him, so i did that instead. we just walked around for hours and hours in oxnard, we went to petco to visit gilbert...then we walked back to my house because we had to get his bike and also i had to change because i felt uncomfortable. (i dont like wearing skirts when im on my period) and then we went to the park again. he left me at the park at around 515, i had to meet randall. so, me and randall made out and stuff, which just made me horny. so then i was more uncomfortable. but that's ok. we talked too. that's always funny. we were talking about all the scars we've both accumulated over the years, and he's all 'have you seen the one on my back?' and i was all 'ive never seen your bacl' lol...i had a good time with him. i love him so much...sometimes it's hard. well, i g2g now, the pain killers are kicking in. 2 ♥//post comment

today, was lame. [04 Aug 2004|08:00pm] [ mood | cranky ] [ music | stairway to heaven - led zeppelin ] i did nothing, talked to no one, and bought nothing on main street, not that i didnt want anything. my mom spent my mommy and her's on stuff for (surprise) herself. im angry. tomorrow is another adventure with randall. 4 ♥//post comment

so. [03 Aug 2004|10:19pm] [ mood | contemplative ] [ music | rock the casba (i know i spelled that wrong) ] i want so badly to write what's in my heart, but knowing that certain people have access to this 'journal' i can't neccasarily do that. i will have to keep it to myself for the time being until i get enough courage to actually speak the truth instead of writing it down. so here's what else is going on...alex bought me shoes!! what a lame! that makes me laugh, im still calling him a weirdo. i mean, come now, that is just a little tinsey bit strange. i talked to kara today and yesterday, interesting stuff she had to say. she finally made out with a guy, i am very proud, she's growing uo so fast **tear**. no but realy, i am happy for her. in an odd sort of way, i dunno. at least she got some. it made me laugh though because i was like, "you're such a slut" and she was all " i learned it all from my pal aubrey" ... she's referring to the fact that my viriginity is non-existent. so she started calling me whore and then we went back to talking, more like her giving me the details of her little adventure without me. she said that i would have liked one of her friends..i told her i couldn't possibly like someone else. post comment

yay!! but only for me. [01 Aug 2004|10:18pm] [ mood | amused ] [ music | rainy days and mondays - the carpenters ] the nighlight of my day? buying a new james dean poster. i really enjoyed that experience. and now you ask? im eating teryaki chicken flavored rice-a-roni because im the shizz. <3 peace out muther trucker's 4 ♥//post comment

my sweet sorrow. [30 Jul 2004|01:24pm] [ mood | sad ] [ music | don't speak - no doubt ] i think it's all ending. 3 ♥//post comment

chocolate cake, none for aubrey. very sad [28 Jul 2004|09:57pm] [ mood | cranky ] [ music | and then you kissed me - the cardigans ] so today was boring-ish spent the whole day with my crazy family... we went to uh, santa monica i think. yeah, it was santa monica (der) we went to the third street promenade..it was okay. there's lots of cool stores there. saw a bunch of hotties. it was okay. then we were driving down sunset boulevard and we saw jonathan, the lead singer from Korn, i see him a lot though, so it didn't really excite me. (my uncle jeff is friends with him) he came to christmas one time..scared the crap outta my great grandma..funny stuff. we went to universal city walk or w/e...that was even more fucking gay. here's what went down... we get there and my dad's like 'oo arcade' (so fucking neat?!) i thought he was going to let us (me and my cousin) play games and shit, but we went there so he (my dad) could play. i sat there for like a half an hour watching him play some gay ass game the whole time. ok, so my parents have been bugging me to find out what i want to be in the future, like they won't shut the fuck up about it because i never really figured it out, so i decided i might want to be a dermatologist...that was all fine and dandy. then today they're all, 'you should be a rock star' and all this bullshit, and they were just giving me crap, saying like 'oh, well it's not like you know what you wanna be yet...blah blah blah'. and of course i said 'i told you i want to be a dermatologist' and they're all 'yeah, cuz you can become a millionaire like that..." (like sarcastically, because they always seem to want to start shit with me) then my mom was wondering why i was in such a bad fucking mood. she's all 'what's wrong?!'...and im all 'well, you guys bug me about stupid stuff when we are supposed to be having a good time and then you expect me to be in a good mood or something' and she's all 'get that shitty look off your face' and she walked away. errrr, it made me so fucking angry, i wanted to beat the shit out of her!! afterwards, we go to expiration point in hollywood and like these hot guys were staring at me and like so i started talking to them and stuff. it was so great because when i was leaving they were trying to like all inconspicuous about rolling this joint...but they were soooo obvious. it made me laugh. we went to eat food. yum. came home and i still get shit for no fucking reason. ahh! i am so fucking sick of it. later on mofo's <33 11 ♥//post comment

i wonder if he noticed my love is still in tact. [28 Jul 2004|11:12am] [ mood | cheerful ] [ music | a perfect sonnet - bright eyes ] I believe that lovers should be tied together and thrown into the ocean in a violent storm and left there to drown in their innocence. post comment

i wanna dance! [27 Jul 2004|01:51pm] [ mood | cheerful ] [ music | perfect - smashing pumpkins ] That thing...that moment when you kiss someone and everything around you grows hazey and all thats left is you...and this person. And you wanna laugh and you wanna cry because youre so happy that youve found it and so scared that it will go away all at the same time. post comment

... [26 Jul 2004|10:16pm] [ mood | calm ] [ music | and then you kissed me - the cardigans ] "I know it's a cornball thing, but love is passion, obsession, someone you can't live without. If you don't start with that, what are you going to end up with? I say fall head over heels. Find someone you can love like crazy and who'll love you the same way back. And how do you find him? Forget your head and listen to your heart." post comment

i think this explains it. [26 Jul 2004|05:28pm] [ mood | crazy ] [ music | iris - goo goo dolls ] I don't understand why See it's burning me to hold onto this I know this is something I gotta do But that don't mean I want to What I'm trying to say is that I-love-you I just I feel like this is coming to an end And its better for me to Let it go now than hold on and hurt you I gotta let it burn It's gonna burn for me to say this But it's comin from my heart It's been a long time coming But we done been fell apart Really wanna work this out But I don't think you're gonna change I do but you don't Think it's best we go our separate ways Tell me why I should stay in this relationship When I'm hurting baby, I ain't happy baby Plus there's so many other things I gotta deal with I think that you should let it burn When the feeling ain't the same and your body don't want to But you know gotta let it go cuz the party ain't jumpin' like it used to Even though this might bruise you Let it burn Let it burn Gotta let it burn Deep down you know it's best for yourself but you Hate the thought of her being with someone else But you know that it's over We knew it been through Let it burn Let it burn Gotta let it burn Sendin' pages I ain't supposed to Got somebody here but I want you Cause the feelin ain't the same find myself Callin' her your name Ladies tell me do you understand? Now all my fellas do you feel my pain? It's the way I feel I know I made a mistake Now it's too late I know she ain't comin back What I gotta do now To get my shorty back When the feeling ain't the same and your body don't want to But you know gotta let it go cuz the party ain't jumpin' like it used to Even though this might bruise you Let it burn Let it burn Gotta let it burn Man I don't know what I'm gonna do Without my boo You've been gone for too long It's been fifty-leven days, um-teen hours Imma be burnin' till you return I'm twisted cuz one side of me is tellin' me that I need to move on On the other side I wanna break down and cry I'm twisted cuz one side of me is tellin' me that I need to move on On the other side I wanna break down and cry So many days, so many hours I'm still burnin' till you return post comment

my broken heart unfortunately continues to beat... [25 Jul 2004|05:28pm] [ mood | crushed ] [ music | lump - the presidents of the united states of america ] i can't let go, and it's killing me. it's so hard to feel the way i feel, but be alone. i can't stand that i let myself love him, after everything i have been through, i should know better. but i am still the same dumb person, making the bad decisions that i have always made.  i hate who i've become. 1 ♥//post comment

i hate my family. [23 Jul 2004|11:31am] [ mood | calm ] [ music | leader of the pack - whoever sing the song. ] i swear i hate them. they can't do anything for themselves and it's always 'aubrey do this.' ' aubrey do that' it's fuckin bullshit and i am so sick of it.  i finally started crying today because i was so sick of it. and since my mom and dad left, everyone is depending on me, i have to accomadate(sp?) 8 people and im only one person, a kid at that. so i can't do everything. i can barely take care of myself sometimes, and 8 people? i can't do it. and then (because my parents left) my aunt thinks she can boss me around like im her fucking maid or something...i hate it, i hate her. i just wanna leave... 2 ♥//post comment

[20 Jul 2004|09:46pm] [ mood | confused ] [ music | happy birthday. ] *(¨`·.·´¨)If I cOuLd PiCk AnY mOmEnT   `·.¸(¨`·.·´¨)AnD aLwAyS kEeP iT nEw `·.¸.·´OuT oF aLl ThE mOmEnTs I lIvEd    (¨`·.·´¨)I'd PiCk EvErY   mOmEnT`·.¸ (¨`·.·´¨).....I   sPeNt  WiTh   `·.¸.·´YoU*   I remember the promises or should i say lies ... I remember the feeling of all those crazy butterflies I remember the way you always made me smile and how i missed you like crazy after only a short while ... I remember THE KISS how could i forget ... I remember how perfect the way our lips fit .. I remember lying there watching you sleep ... I remember all the promises you never did keep.. I remember craving every inch of your skin... I remember loving you too much was always a sin.. I remember the way you lied and betrayed ... Now all you are is simply a memory that will fade....   today he's old. post comment

ah! [19 Jul 2004|12:49pm] [ mood | sick ] [ music | hello i love you - the doors ] i am so afraid right now! katie won't leave me alone...she's a tripper man. it's quite frightening.i talked to alex last night on the phone. he's a freak! he actually wanted to buy me stuff, wtf?! i was joking when i told him to keep his job so he could buy me stuff, JOKING!! but for some reason he thinks im serious. i dont understand. he said he's going to buy me my shoes that i want...i told him he's not allowed to, that my mom will flip out and get mad at me if she thought i made him buy me shoes, which wouldn't be good. well i have got to go bye bye now, later on mofo's   3 ♥//post comment

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